Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize