probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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