i just had sex bonerless
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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