You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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