he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
