she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This baby is an asshole
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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