ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
