nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
