How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
