i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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