You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have surprise drugs for everyone
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
