I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Welp...herpes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize