Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
