just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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