His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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