Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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