so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
