Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize