He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just pee around me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
