I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
