Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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