he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
