She said her name was "party"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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