just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
