My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
