dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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