He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
