Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
