:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
