i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize