He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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