honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
