does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
