Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
