I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
