And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Randomize
