Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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