Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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