Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
