didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
