it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
