Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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