He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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