I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
