Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
