At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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