I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
