hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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