Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
