Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
