I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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