You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
