battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
