guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
