Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
