They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
