This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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