Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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