Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
there is glitter all over my balls
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