I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
