Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
