airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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