So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
