maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
