ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
