I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
