SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
