I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
