oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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