he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
