Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
