I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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