Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
