now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
