You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
