He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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