the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
All I want is dick and wine.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
