You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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