I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
