Im at strip club and am horny
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
