How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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