I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
