nut hugger
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
