dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
