even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
